By Jude Egbas
The face of a bully
She left my President standing out there in the snow of Davos, Switzerland ( save for his trademark fedora and some sweater) and wouldn’t even let the man get done with providing an answer to one question, before throwing in another. Such nerve!! The result was that the President mangled his lines, was incoherent, stuttered, threw in several grammatical bloopers for good measure and lied through his false teeth to the watching world. He must have heaved a sigh of relief as the bully that was Amanpour put an end to the grueling Question and Answer session. I bet I could hear the sigh of relief from Lagos, Nigeria.
As a member of Reuben Abati’s ‘Children of Anger’ Association (CAA), I didn’t take this act of bullying from Amanpour, sitting down. After the interview, I dashed straight to bed, pouting over how our number one citizen had done such a ‘good job’ of representing us all. He has to be the best man for the job, come 2015–Shoes or not.
CAN Should Be A Political Party
How about this face on a poster?
Last week, the Christian Association of Nigeria (CAN) left no one in doubt that the church Jesus Christ left in Nigeria may not be the same church he will meet upon his return.
While we were admiring Pastor Ayo Oritsejafor’s Private Jet and his propensity for the ‘bling bling’, the Catholic arm of CAN, wanted out of the union. Among the reasons for severing ties with the National body, the Catholic Bishops said they were suspending “participation in CAN meetings at the national level until such a time when the leadership of CAN reverses back to the original vision, mission and objectives of CAN”. They had also noted that:
“CAN is being dragged into partisan politics thereby compromising the ability to play its true role as conscience of the nation and the voice of the voiceless”.
Speaking on the Catholics’ withdrawal Wednesday, spokesperson for the 19 Northern chapters of CAN, Sunny Oibe, told journalists in Abuja that the Catholics were free to walk away if they so desired, retorting;
“There is no need for anybody to lose sleep over the threat by Catholics to pull out of CAN because without them CAN will still continue. The constitution of CAN makes provision that membershipcan be terminated by any group that is misbehaving or any group can also terminate their membership.
“Why is it that when Catholics were in the leadership of CAN, every bloc supported them, but now because power has changed hands, they are threatening to pull out and causing confusion?
“They have been agitating that the Presidency of CAN must come from the South. They are appendage of PDP and PDP themselves. They are known for double standard. A man of God should not be double speaking.”
That, right there, is how you call one’s bluff.
So, there you have it. One arm of the Church accuses the other of aligning with the worst political party in Africa, the other throws mud at the other for becoming all too cozy with politicians. There is a common denominator if you look at the mud-slinging going on closely: both warring factions of the Nigerian Church may well be interested in partisan politics. In which case, CAN should proceed to the electoral body and get registered as a political party without further ado.
And I see nothing wrong with this. Politics is too serious a business to be left in the hands of politicians. Let the church join the fray and let’s all try to gobble this national ‘moi moi’ that never runs out. The church is really marching on.
Beyonce Lip-Syncs, But Who Cares?
Who runs the world? Beyonce
At President Obama’s inauguration last week, Beyonce was accused of Lip-Syncing; meaning that the Star Spangled Banner we all heard her render from the steps of Capitol Hill on Cable TV, was probably pre-recorded. No, she didn’t hit those notes, live. The CD did. A spokeswoman for the US Marine Band had told the media:
“We did pre-record it and it was Beyoncé’s decision at the last minute to go with the pre-recorded version,” the spokeswoman told a British paper. “We pre-recorded all music as a matter of course and have done since time immemorial,” she said. “This is our 54th inauguration .… There is no question of there not being any music — it’s not because the performer cannot do it.”
So, what’s all the fuss about if it was Beyonce’s voice on the pre-recorded version? She probably thought the live band equipment may not work properly so she took the safest option: she went into a studio the day before the Inauguration, recorded the anthem, handed it to the US Marine Band, and sang along to it on inauguration day. It is called ‘playing safe’, not cheating. Beyonce has earned the right to get away with anything, including fooling us all.
Please and please, you all should let my Beyonce be ( And I amlooking at you, the American Press!). Plus, I didn’t like the fact that Jay Z was hanging on her coat-tails all afternoon as if to say; ‘back off Jude and y’all, the girl is mine’. Duh!!
Mikel Obi Never Scores Goals; Even In DreamLand
I promise never to hurt the net. Oh blimey!
But what was Mikel doing taking a penalty in open play during the game against Zambia? Before all Mikel fans get on my back, I am aware that Mikel once scored a penalty in Calabar as the Eagles battled Liberia for a Nations Cup place, but that was certainly some mistake. This is the same Mikel who is so goal shy at Chelsea FC, one of his coaches once placed a bet with him that he (the coach) will strip to his pants if Mikel did score a goal in open play. Of course the Coach didn’t lose his bet because Mikel never scored and hasn’t hit a barn door for Chelsea in years.
Mikel doesn’t like the look of goal posts, and the earlier we all (including Keshi) realize this, the better for our hearts at the ongoing Nations’ Cup. You can count the number of midfielders with abysmal goal records in world football; and Mikel Obi, who will rather pass the ball backwards or sideways than drive his team with forward passes, should be atop that list. I am expecting Mikel to shut me up with a goal or two in this tourney. But until that day, he should never take a penalty kick for Nigeria again, not even in his dreams. And I mean, NEVER!!!
Rotimi Amaechi Is Not Photogenic
Winnie The Pooh? Hell No!
With the benefit of hindsight, it was a photo-opportunity the Rivers State Governor, Rotimi Amaechi , could have done without. Of all the four Governors bedecked in winter jackets just outside the Wellington Hospital in London, he looked the ill one; the one the rest had gone to pay a visit to. He was staring straight into the Camera, pot bellied and clownish. A friend remarked that he looked like the cartoon (Bear) character, ‘Winnie-the-pooh’.
I once shook hands with Amaechi (Yeah, that’s me bragging now. *Pops collar*) and I have sat from across him at a function. He definitely isn’t that ugly and is no ‘Winnie-the-pooh’. For once, the Camera lied. Amaechi’s political detractors may well have been behind that picture (I see you, Godsday Orubebe). We should stop this picture from circulating, jare. Amaechi na fine boy. Who no know, no go know!
The writer is on twitter as @egbas
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