Ouch: “Miss Dikeh came out sounding like she was in mid-stream orgasm instead of singing” – Producer Charles Novia critiques Tonto Dikeh’s new singles

by Charles Novia

I have restrained myself for a couple of years from commenting on Tonto Dike’s career after my last comments about her role in the soft porn movie she acted in two years back, were badly taken by her and she went on Twitter to hurl infantile insults on my person with expletives and uncomplimentary remarks.
My reaction to such then was just a dignified silence. After all, I had already spoken on her stunted talent as an up-and-coming actress and further comments on her incensed tweets were unnecessary.
All through the past few hours, the social media networks have been abuzz with the new singles of actress, Tonto Dike. She seems to have joined the actors of her ilk who have the moonlighting itch to delve into singing. While no one can stop such an ambition by those artistes, I do think those who surround such artistes are their worst enemies if they can’t tell them the truth about leaving their sometimes doubtful day job. Well, I will!
I listened to Miss Dikeh’s two singles a few minutes ago and my initial speechlessness morphed to a nagging laughter and then subsided into a befuddled anguish. I’m a music label owner (November Records) and have produced and executive produced acts like Majek Fashek, Terry tha Rapman, Zubby Enebeli, etc. I know much about music and the slant of commercial music. But after listening to Miss Dikeh’s songs, I’m inclined to align with the majorly negative comments about them on cyberspace.
Ah-ah! Whoever produced her knew she has a bad voice for singing and masked our listening torture with the Autotune effect. But even the Autotune rejected any attempt to make a bad voice worse and Miss Dikeh came out sounding like she was in mid-stream orgasm instead of singing! Her anguished tremolos would have been better reserved for a horror movie sound effect than an attempt at joining the revered profession of music.
If Omotola got away with her last two terrible attempts at singing, it was because Omotola is a fantastic actress and her fans could forgive her musical failings after backtracking her body of work in Nollywood.
With Tonto, I can’t say much either for her acting depth. She’s a one-dimensional actress in my opinion, who mistakes notoriety for fame. She needs more training in acting and this I say with all sense of professionalism as a movie director. She might achieve greater heights in acting if she trains more. But she has no heights to achieve in singing. Only a downward plunge, the stuff bad endings in movies are made of

Intrigues of the Nigerian Youth Slavery Curse – By Faith Abiodun

 

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I was barely five years old when I first encountered the Curse, or Corps or Corpse or whatever it is called these days. Little young boy that I was, I was fascinated by the very smart uniforms, head caps and yellow boots that hung in the corner of my dad’s room (who knew that those dusty boots were called jungle boots?) My favourite pictures from my dad’s old albums were his NYSC pictures. He looked so handsome. There were no protruding tummies, no sight of sneaky strands of beard, no wrinkling brows, and clearly no extensive waistlines. My dad looked ever so sharp in those pictures. I was so enthralled by the heavy yellow boots that I can’t recall when I made the connection between those yellow boots and the shirts of traffic wardens (affectionately called ‘yellow fever’), but I remember that whenever my dad’s co-workers asked me what my future ambition was, I would cheerfully yell “police man!”
My mum had no visible NYSC mementoes, but what she lacked in pictures, she made up in stories. My mum told several stories about her escapades in the north, between Borno state and Kwara state. I heard about the cities Kutigi and Patigi first from my mum, and I assumed they were neighbouring cities. My mum picked up some words of Hausa and she often helped out with my Hausa assignments in junior high school. If you ever wanted to see my mum’s face light up, all you had to do was ask her questions about her NYSC years, and you would have to beg her to stop. She loved her years in the north.
Youth corps members were everywhere around me as I grew up. They taught in public schools in my neighbourhood, they served in my church, and they even drew the admiration of all motorists and passers-by when they occasionally replaced Federal Road Safety officials and served as traffic wardens. They always looked cheerful, excited and utterly welcoming; especially the ones who lived in my parents’ boys-quarters. Sister Ngozi and Sister Ogechi were from Enugu and Ebonyi states respectively and nothing smelled as scintillating as their bowls of Eba and Egusi soup on a warm Saturday afternoon. They would invite my brothers and me to share their meals and teach them some Yoruba words, but we always had to ensure our parents didn’t see us sneaking to the back of the house. They were such lovely ladies, and you only had to wait to see them leaving the house on Thursday mornings – sparkling white shirts, bright khaki pants and white sneakers. They epitomised the beauty of Nigerian diversity, the worthy prize of any hardworking man and the future of our world.
Having seen my dad’s awesome pictures, listened to my mum’s engaging stories and lived amicably with Sister Ngozi and Sister Ogechi, I couldn’t wait to grow up and join the youth corps. I didn’t care what part of the country I got deployed to; I knew that I would make lovely memories and enjoy my year in service of my country. However, between my childhood and my undergraduate years, things fell apart; Babangida annulled a famous election, Abacha died, Obasanjo was released from prison, democracy was instituted, fuel prices skyrocketed, exchange rates reached for the moon, strike actions became more common than common sense, and a sick stranger called Yar’Adua became President. Between all those occurrences, the idea of national youth service was dissolved, Niger-Delta militants sent a strong message to the world that the creeks were not for fishing but for kidnapping, Ife and Modakeke proved that next door neighbours could indeed be the fiercest rivals, and Boko Haram demonstrated that both churches and mosques were fair game.
Nigerians realized that national tourism had grown to become an idea of last resort; that observing the Argungu Fishing Festival and strolling in the Yankari Games Reserves were not sufficient innocent reasons to visit Borno State. The Nigerian youth realized that protecting one’s self was more important than serving the country ‘under the sun and in the rain’, hence receiving a doctor’s report claiming that one had been diagnosed with terminal cancer was perhaps far better than being posted to Jigawa State. Ladies hurriedly got married in their final years in the university so that they could relocate from Nassarawa State on the grounds of marriage, and even those who were unlucky to find tall, handsome, and comfortable guys who drove at least a Toyota Camry comforted themselves with the purchase of cheap gold-painted (not gold-plated) rings from Hausa merchants.
My heart goes out to the several hardworking young Nigerians who have been rewarded for their five, six, seven and eight years in sweaty rooms called libraries, dungeons called lecture theatres and in detention cells called lecturers’ offices with banishment to military camps in Akwa Ibom, Osogbo and Minna. Three weeks in stark military conditions can be argued as a strategy to inculcate the values of discipline, national integration and self defence, or whatever other reasonable argument the NYSC eggheads are positing these days, but one wonders how much more disciplined young Nigerians are after simultaneously drinking themselves to stupor every night at Mammy Markets across the country. One wonders how much more disciplined young Nigerians are when young ladies take their wedding bands off and romantically indulge wayward strangers in the backs of unfurnished kitchens. One wonders how much more disciplined young Nigerians are when errant soldiers routinely ‘feel the bodies’ of female corps members under the guise of adjusting their headdresses and correcting their awkward salutes.
In spite of the horrors of the grossly mismanaged three-week detention camps, the real headache for most young Nigerians are stored up in the succeeding eleven months that they are mandated to spend in villages where they are totally cut off from all shades of comfort they have ever known. Serving as Social Studies teachers in government schools in Maiduguri or Kotangora do not compensate for the heartache that accompanies separation from civilization. Admittedly, several impressive projects like constructed wells, rebuilt roads, redesigned roundabouts, statues of the NYSC torch and other community development projects help to galvanize communities but in the larger scheme of things, these ought to be elementary dividends of democracy delivered by elected governments, not donated by the blood and sweat of young Nigerians who are often left unemployed after their ‘service to their fatherland’.
Generations to come would continue to debate the pros and cons of the Nigerian Youth Slavery Curse, but in honour of the Batch ‘C’ heroes who removed their headdresses one final time yesterday (whether or not they received a passing out ceremony – i.e. Bayelsa corps members), I pray that your khakis are swiftly replaced with suits and that your jungle boots are swapped with sparkly Italian shoes. May your salutes fetch you fat incomes sooner, rather than later. Keep up the struggle!
You can follow Faith Abiodun on Twitter @FaithAbiodun

5 profitable benefits of taking time to ‘Be still’

by Tracy McNeil

When is the last time you really relaxed by taking quality time to be still and just experience peace and quiet? And I don’t mean sleep!

Some kind of way it has been ingrained into our psyche that busyness equals productivity. In some cases that’s true because you can’t get much accomplished being still, or can you? Just about every form of communication encourages you, entices you, coerces you, even commands or demands you to do something all the time! We are bombarded by the media to do something other than what we are doing, even when it comes to relaxing. In order to relax we are incessantly fed impressions that you’ve got to do something to get “there”. Commercialism and tourism do their best marketing to convince us that we’re not really relaxing if we don’t do so on a resort island or that we’re not having fun unless it’s in an exclusive, remote location. The typical idea about a good vacation is one that it takes months to save up for or pay off; we’re exhausted when we return, all to realize we spent too much money while we were working to relax. We’ve all been influenced and have created mental pictures of someone else’s idea of vacation rest, relaxation or stillness. We have time for what they say, but do we have time for who we are?
You’ve seen it on TV – relaxation looks like a couple walking along the beach, friends on a cruise ship, or a family at an amusement park and all those things are wonderful experiences we enjoy. Those situations may promote an entry level of relaxation and stress relief, but what about stillness? It doesn’t take a long time and it’s free! When is the last time you really relaxed by taking quality time to be still and just experience peace and quiet? And I don’t mean sleep! The first thing that may come to mind is the perception that says, “I don’t have time.” Really? Why does it seem so hard for us do? We have smart phones, computers, microwaves, many technological advances and even cars that help us get things done faster than ever. Where has the time saved gone? Why is quiet time or stillness something we save for last IF we have time? It’s gotten to the point that some of us even feel guilty thinking about it, much less actually doing it. Could it be we just don’t want to be quiet? Do we know how to “be still”? Maybe we don’t want to be responsible for what we hear from the loud silence of stillness or meditation? Or maybe we fear because we perceive stillness as emptiness?
I once heard a story about a little boy whose mother told him to sit down and he defiantly said, “I’m sitting down on the outside but I am standing up on the inside!” Sometimes we take those nice luxury vacations for relaxation and that’s exactly what we do. We appear to be relaxing, vacationing, experiencing a form of external stillness but we’re standing up on the inside, still working our troubled minds. We compete in our own mental Olympics trying to handle our most challenging situations with thought games. We’re doing the act on the outside but the inside is all beat to hell – worn out! We’re still filled with dissatisfaction, having so many unanswered questions, unfulfilled goals dreams, incomplete visions and thoughts. Why is it so hard to be still, meditate or pray to experience internal pampering that relieves atmospheric pressures? Could it be because of how we perceive stillness? We perceive it as laziness and we equate it with those who are unproductive. Now don’t get it twisted stillness and laziness are two different things relaxation and procrastination aren’t even in the same family. You already know the difference. You can see it you can feel it and even if you don’t know how the difference when looking at others, you know how it looks within you!
I don’t know about you but has a child growing up when I heard those words, “You better get somewhere and “sa-down!” (sit down) and be still!” as if “sa-down!” wasn’t still enough. It was always related to punishment and even if you didn’t want to do it you had better… I know my grandparents and parents had no inkling about stillness, meditation, consciousness or self-discovery back then, but they knew something about getting somewhere and sitting down would help keep you out of trouble, if no other reasons but to think. They knew that being still would cause a change of mind that would influence a positive change in behavior. Now, don’t perceive stillness as a way to promote punishment or be bound by an overly structured method that forces obedience. You may be thinking of stillness or meditation as a middle-eastern ritual, where you’re seated with your legs folded in the form of a pretzel, chanting “ohhmm”. That may be necessary for some but stillness and meditation have more to do with the posture of your mind more so than the position your body. Regardless of how you’ve seen or perceived stillness in times past let me offer you five of the numerous benefits of stillness and if you will open your mind and heart you will discover them to be profitable.

1. Being still is beyond rest or relaxation and promotes a lifestyle of peace.
2. Stillness can diminish the destructive side effects of stressful situations.
3. Meditation and stillness can accomplish in moments what “doing” could take years to achieve.
4. Stillness allows you to connect to your internal compass for purpose-filled guidance and spot-on direction.
5. Being still allows you to commune with the God in you when words feel inadequate.

You aren’t fearful of that conversation are you? When is the last time you consulted with the God in you? When’s the last time you asked yourself who am I? Why was I born? What do I want to be? Where am I going? Who is really with me? How is my life relevant? How does who I am and my purpose serve the world? And if you have asked yourself those questions, when is the last time you took time to stick around to hear your answers and consistently obey them. Please have time for that. Please make time for stillness. But you can’t do it spending so much time learning and rehearsing someone else’s script for your life! This is your life story to write. Who has your pen or who is your director? Stillness is where you purify and refresh your mind to write, cast, direct and produce your own lifetime movie. It takes being still to know…I Am.
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Tracy McNeil is a Life Coach who specializes in Self Discovery and Spirituality. She assists you in discovering your purpose, or “Reason for Being”, which is the foundational treasure that abundantly provides for every aspect of your life

Of course the Igbos were a victim of genocide” – Soyinka agrees with Achebe

by Reuben Daba

In what has got to be something of a shocker (or maybe not), Nobel Laureate, Prof. Wole Soyinka, has sided with his literary colleague, Prof. Chinua Achebe, in the controversy over the roles of some prominent Nigerians during the Nigerian civil war.
Soyinka disclosed this in an interview published in The Telegraph of London yesterday. In Soyinka’s view, the Igbos were victims of genocide during the three-year civil war.
Soyinka’s views differ from that of a majority of his Yoruba kinsmen who have taken exception to Achebe’s account in his controversial civil war memoir, “There Was A Country”, when among others, he accused wartime Head of State, Gen. Yakubu Gowon and the then Finance Minister, Chief Obafemi Awolowo, of carrying out a genocide against the Igbo.
In justifying the secession bid, Soyinka described Biafrans as “people who’d been abused, who’d undergone genocide, and who felt completely rejected by the rest of the community, and therefore decided to break away and form a nation of its own.”
He also used the opportunity to condemn militant sect Boko Haram, the insurgent group that has visited terror on the North, killing over 1,500 since 2009, describing their actions not as religion, but criminality.
He said: “All religions accept that there is something called criminality. And criminality cannot be excused by religious fervour. Let me repeat something I first said at the meeting organised by UNESCO a few weeks ago, which was prompted by the recent film insulting the religion of Islam and depicting the Prophet Mohammed in a very crass way.
“The first thing to say is that we do not welcome any attempt to ravage religious sensibilities. That can be taken for granted. But you cannot hold the world to ransom simply because some idiots chose to insult a religion in some far-off place which most of the world has never even heard of. This for me is a kind of fundamentalist tyranny that should be totally unacceptable.
“So a group calls itself the Boko Haram, literally: ‘Book is taboo’, the book is anathema, the book is a product of Western civilisation, therefore it must be rejected.
“You go from the rejection of books to the rejection of institutions which utilise the book, and that means virtually all institutions. You attack universities, you kill professors, then you butcher students, you close down primary schools, you try and create a religious Maginot Line through which nothing should penetrate.
“That’s not religion; that’s lunacy. My Christian family lived just next door to Muslims. We celebrated Ramadan with Muslims; they celebrated Christmas with Christians. This is how I grew up.
“And now this virus is spreading all around the world, leading to the massacre of 50 students. This is not taking arms against the state, this is taking up arms against humanity.”
He criticised the handling of the war against terrorism by President Jonathan.
“The president of Nigeria is making a mistake in not telling the nation that it should place itself on a war footing. There’s too much pussyfooting, there’s too much false intellectualisation of what is going on, such as this is the result of corruption, this is the result of poverty, this is the result of marginalisation.
“Yes, of course, all these negativities have to do with what is happening right now. But when the people themselves come out and say we will not even talk to the president unless he converts to Islam, they are already stating their terms of conflict,” he added.
Soyinka said if religion were to be taken away from the world, he would be one of the happiest people in the world.

US presidential debate: 10 best lines from Romney, Obama

by Isi Esene

As the November US presidential election draws closer, the two main candidates, President Barack Obama and Mitt Romney continue to slug it out in fiercely contested debates to convince the electorate of their suitability for the top job.
Obama, who many considered to have lost the last debate came out blazing hot with memorable lines to etch the intention of his administration into the minds of the voters.
The Republican candidate, Romney, didn’t quite allow the president’s rhetorics to floor him as he stood his ground articulating his party’s ideas to the electorate.
With a hat-tip to politico.com, we bring you the top five memorable lines from each of the candidates in Tuesday’s debate which took place town hall-style at the Hofstra University in Hempstead, New York.
Mitt Romney:

1. “When do you graduate? 2014. When you come out in 2014, I presume I’m going to be president. I’m going to make sure you get a job.”

2. “When we’re talking about math that doesn’t add up, how about $5 trillion of deficits over the last four years. That’s math that doesn’t add up.”
3. “We took a concerted effort to go out and find women who had backgrounds that could be qualified to become members of our cabinet. I went to a number of women’s groups and said, ‘Can you help us find folks.’ And they brought us whole binders full of women.”
4. “You shouldn’t have to hire a lawyer to figure out how to get into this country legally.”
5. “The president took Detroit bankrupt. You took General Motors bankrupt. You took Chrysler bankrupt. So when you say that I wanted to take the auto industry bankrupt, you actually did. And I think it’s important to know that was a process that was necessary to get those companies back on their feet so they could start hiring more people.”

Barack Obama:

1. “Gov. Romney doesn’t have a five-point plan; he has a one-point plan. And that plan is to make sure that folks at the top play by a different set of rules.”

2. “When he said behind closed doors that 47 per cent of the country considers themselves victims who refuse personal responsibility, think about who he was talking about: folks on social security who have worked all their lives; veterans, who sacrificed for this country; students, who are out there trying to hopefully advance their own dreams but also this country’s dreams; soldiers, who are overseas fighting for us right now; people who are working hard every day.”
3. “We haven’t heard from the governor any specifics beyond Big Bird and eliminating funding for Planned Parenthood in terms of how he pays for that.”
4. “I don’t look at my pension. It’s not as big as yours, so it doesn’t take as long.”
5. “Gov. Romney was a very successful investor. If somebody came to you, governor, with a plan that said, ‘Here, I want to spend $7 or $8 trillion and we’re going to pay for it but we can’t tell you until maybe after the election how we’re going to do it.’ You wouldn’t have taken such a sketchy deal and neither would you, the American people.”

Wake up! 5 lies we need to stop believing about love

by Sheryl Paul

Once you understand real love, these films are harmless fun. But when you grow up watching Disney stories and following glorified Hollywood romances, these films create a dangerous expectation that love should look and feel like it does on the big screen.

A significant portion of my work is dedicated to debunking our beloved and dysfunctional cultural myths about love, romance, and marriage. For many people, these messages live like a sleeping serpent in the unconscious layer and are only awakened when real love is standing before them. In other words, as long as they’re chasing after the unavailable partner where there’s no risk of real love and, thus, no risk of vulnerability and loss, they can trot along somewhat happily, fully subscribing to the dominant cultural myths. But once they’re faced with the possibility of a lifelong commitment to a present, loving, available partner — which often occurs at the time of getting engaged but can also appear much sooner — the serpent awakens and the messages come spewing forth in a slew of froth, wreaking havoc on their unsuspecting minds as the messages clash with their lived experience and the serpent attempts to convince them that it’s time to walk away.
What are these cultural messages about love? What does the serpent say when it awakens from its lifetime slumber? It says:
• Love is a feeling. If you’re not feeling love, then you don’t really love your partner.
• If you have to question whether or not you love your partner, you obviously don’t love him/her and it’s time to walk away.
• You should “just know that it’s right.” If you don’t have that feeling of rightness, then it’s clearly not right.
• You should feel head over heels “in love”, which means butterflies and fireworks.
• Your partner should make you feel alive, whole, and fulfilled.
I could go on and on; the love-myths are endless, and you only have to watch a Meg Ryan romantic comedy — or any Hollywood romantic comedy, for that matter — to see the enactment of these messages. Once you understand real love, these films are harmless fun. But when you grow up watching Disney stories and following glorified Hollywood romances, these films create a dangerous expectation that love should look and feel like it does on the big screen. And when the initial rush of feeling and certainty naturally wears off, as it always will, it’s frightfully easy to doubt that your relationship is still a good one.
If love isn’t only a feeling, what is it? Once the honeymoon wears off, love is primarily a verb, and to love someone is an active experience. Love is action. Love is commitment. Love is making your partner a sandwich even when you don’t “feel” like it. Love is recognizing that intimate, committed relationships are crucibles inside which both partners will be asked to grow emotionally and spiritually and learn about the barriers that prevent them from loving. As Alanis Morissette said in a brilliant interview with Piers Morgan, “Love, to me, is a verb. Love kicks in for real when things get hard… Love, for me, is when I don’t feel very loving. It’s an action.” And when asked how she knew that Souleye was the one for her she said, “Values being the same: family, commitment, partnership, seeing marriage as a hotbed for growth and healing. Not everyone — including myself at times — views marriage as the alchemy that it really can be in affording us the [opportunity for] wholeness.”
My clients and e-course members often ask me, “If love isn’t only a feeling, how do I know I love my partner?” Real love is a knowing, and knowing is place that lives beyond thoughts or feelings. You probably don’t always feel loving feelings for your mother or father or best friend, but you know you love them. Another way to approach the question is to look for evidence that you love your partner. When the heart-thumping, stomach-churning feeling is gone but you’re still motivated to spend time with your partner, when something deeper than thoughts or feelings draws you to your partner like a magnetic pull (sometimes strong, sometimes less strong), when you keep showing up in concrete, tangible ways for the relationship even when it’s difficult, when there’s an ease between you even when it’s not always easy, this is real love.
There’s nothing drug-like or euphoric about real love. On the contrary, it’s grounded, honest, stable, and authentic. The deeper place inside of you knows that to commit to your partner is a loving choice, and so you act in loving ways even when you don’t always feel loving. Through these loving actions, you expand your heart and grow your capacity to love. This is evidence of love.
It’s a tragic reality that far too many people walk away from solid, healthy relationships with partners that they truly love because their experience doesn’t match the cultural expectation. Don’t you think it’s time to change the expectation, to bring it down from the realm of stars and fantasy and present young, formative minds with an accurate and realistic depiction of love, romance, and marriage? It’s time we change “you complete me” to “you inspire me to become the best version of myself” or “with you, I will grow and evolve in my capacity to love.” It’s time to dismantle the fantasy so that people on the threshold of marriage can create the healthiest possible foundation on which to begin their lives together.
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Sheryl Paul, M.A., has counseled thousands of people worldwide through her private practice, her bestselling books, her e-courses and her website. She has appeared several times on “The Oprah Winfrey Show”, as well as on “Good Morning America” and other top media shows and publications around the globe. To sign up for her free 78-page eBook, “Conscious Transitions: The 7 Most Common (and Traumatic) Life Changes”, visit her website at http://conscious-transitions.com. And if you’re suffering from relationship anxiety – whether dating, engaged, or married – give yourself the gift of the Conscious Weddings E-Course: From Anxiety to Serenity.

Don’t ignore it: How to get your sex life back on track

by Gabrielle Morrissey

If a couple hasn’t had sex for six months or more, a discussion needs to precede attempts to initiate sex because of the length of time and patterns of distance that have been set.

When a couple’s not doing it any more, there are ways to tackle the situation.
When a couple has a desire discrepancy for sex, it can create a great deal of stress, and for some who don’t ask for help in dealing with the problem, it can even result in a breakdown of the relationship.
Mismatched libidos is one of the most common issues seen by sex therapists but, with open communication, understanding and negotiation, the situation can be resolved, or at least improved.
Couples can emerge from therapy with a renewed bond and a genuine desire to connect. Often it’s a lack of communication about sex that fuels the rift in desire. One partner may have a lower libido, and the other may take that as a sign of rejection. Misunderstandings start, then assumptions, followed by the lack of initiation for sex or anything physical, out of hurt, anger or despair. One day, a couple realise it has turned into months, or years, without loving contact between them.
One partner may reach breaking point, start looking elsewhere, or begin pressuring their partner for a change. Ultimatums escalate distress levels and make it even more likely that the pair will split.
It doesn’t have to be like this. Even if one partner doesn’t want sex, ever. It’s not that uncommon for a couple’s sex life to drop to nearly zero.
When the national average is nearly twice a week, those who don’t even do it twice a year tend to be very quiet about the subject of sex. They don’t talk about it with friends or each other until one day the need to return to a passionate, loving relationship becomes overwhelming. As long as neither partner has strayed and both are willing to do the work to reconnect, the situation can be fixed.
Taking a love life from not hot to sizzling is a different challenge to that of fixing a sex life that isn’t just off the boil, but off the stove entirely.
If a couple hasn’t had sex for six months or more, a discussion needs to precede attempts to initiate sex because of the length of time and patterns of distance that have been set. You need to find out why one (or both) of you don’t desire sex at all.
Then the cause needs to be addressed, which may be a negative dynamic that has developed between you, sexually or otherwise. It could be a lifestyle issue such as stress, the result of an illness, or it may be that one partner has a sexual dysfunction they haven’t wanted to address.
Whatever the cause of the complete drop in libido, dealing with it is better than ignoring or denying it, especially if your relationship is at the brink of breaking up over it. Trying to create a sexy relationship once it has gone stagnant takes a gradual shift and both partners need to feel comfortable each step of the way. It is possible to rekindle a relationship that has lost passion, but it doesn’t happen overnight.